‘I am the mommy’
‘I am the mommy’
by Jarko De Witte van Leeuwen
“I not sister, I mómmy,” our two and a half year old daughter, Arwen, matter of factly informed us. Our son, Wolf, had been with us for a couple of weeks and we started getting well adjusted to being a family of four. Arwen had an instant crush on her baby brother that developed on the day we had merely told her she got a baby brother. Just imagine: a baby, a REAL baby in our home! Arwen – who for a year had been a passionate mother to her two African American and one Amish dolls, to Bert and Ernie, to Mickey and Minnie Mouse, and to the entire quartet of the Teletubbies – could not wait to hold her baby in her arms! But first we needed to get Wolf by plane from the United States.In order to prepare Arwen well for the travel, and our meeting Wolf, we bought her a Little People plastic plane. Little People is Arwen’s favourite toy. The little dolls are a nice reflection of the multiracial society. Nearly all Arwen’s Little People have names, named after people in our direct environment of family and friends. Of course there already was a Papa Jos, a Papa Jarko, and an Arwen, but there wasn’t a little Wolf yet. Our choice fell on an African American boy with a red cap on his head, holding an apple in one hand and a golden dog in the other. “That’s Tox,” Arwen cleverly remarked. Tox is our dog. Now at least the Little People version of our family was complete.
We demonstrated to Arwen how the three of us – papa Jos, papa Jarko and Arwen – stepped on the plane. We flew to the other end of the living room where Wolf was waiting for us. The door of the plane went open, and the Little People versions of us stumbled outside, ran to Wolf and the next minute they were dancing all four in a circle. Hip-hip-hooray! Now we will be together always. Yes indeed, Arwen had a clear understanding of what was going to happen.
Two days later, we boarded our plane from Amsterdam to Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Arwen had taken her Little People plane with her and enthusiastically explained the purpose of our trip to anyone who cared (or did not care) to hear: “We’re going to ‘Amikila’. We’re getting ‘Wof’!”
And so it happened. Two days later we held our son Wolf in our arms at the adoption agency. Just like the Little People had shown us. Now we will be together always. Wolf is a gorgeous, big boy. We instantly fell in love with him. Arwen above all adores her baby brother. She senses she has to handle this real baby with care. So she carefully kisses his face, hugs him, bathes him in the tub, and she carefully feeds him his bottle. If the bottle becomes too heavy, she announces from her spot between the cushions on the couch: “Daddies! Cannot do. Difficult!” and the daddies take over.
We enjoy this idyllic little scene and we glow with pride. We are proud of this beautiful family. Proud of our handsome strong boy. Proud of this breathtakingly beautiful, sweet and caring sister of his. “You are such a sweet girl,” we smile at her. “Wolf is lucky to have such a wonderful sister.”
Arwen instantly replies: “I nót sister. I mómmy!”
We start laughing and quickly correct ourselves: “Yeah, that’s alright. You can be the mommy.” We are overwhelmed by a storm of thoughts and emotions. Too many to express in words that justify our thoughts. But there’s one predominant feeling of pride and intense gratitude that together we make this family of four.
We are Jos, Jarko, Arwen and Wolf De Witte van Leeuwen. We live in the Netherlands and we have adopted both our children soon after they were born in the US. Jos and Jarko are the daddies. Arwen is the ‘mommy’ 
, and Wolf is the son. Pleased to meet you.
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About: Jarko De Witte van Leeuwen:
Jarko De Witte van Leeuwen was born as Jarko De Witte on April 1, 1970 in Ghent, Belgium. He studied English and Spanish at the Polytechnic School for Translators and Interpreters in Ghent and graduated cum laude at the University of Antwerp, Belgium. In 1989, at age 19 Jarko met his husband Jos van Leeuwen at the Dutch Gay Pride in Haarlem, The Netherlands. In 1991 they moved in together from their parental homes. For that purpose Jarko moved to Jos’s city of birth: Dordrecht, in The Netherlands. In 1993 Jarko started working as a translator and later on communication consultant with Hewitt Associates. In 1995 he gave up his Belgian nationality and became Dutch. In 2001, the year when same sex marriage was legalized in The Netherlands, Jarko and Jos got married on the day they had been together for exactly twelve years. They decide to merge their family names to De Witte van Leeuwen. After returning from their honeymoon, Jarko started working as a communication consultant and public relations officer to the City Board of his hometown Dordrecht. At the same time they start their adoption journey. Jarko is a driven political lobbyist fighting for joint international adoption rights for same sex couples. In 2007 the Dutch Parliament passes the bill to enable this with an overwhelming 90 percent majority. In September 2005, Jos and Jarko adopt their daughter Arwen at age 1 and a half weeks old. Arwen was born in New York City, NY. In February 2008, they adopt their son Wolf, at age 4 weeks. Wolf was born in Philadelphia, PA. Jarko has written several articles and columns on various topics including adoption and gay parenting for various media. He has recently written and illustrated the children’s book, Arwen and her daddies, about the adoption of their daughter Arwen. Several publishers in The Netherlands, the US and the UK have shown interest. Jarko hopes to have his book published in 2009. Meanwhile, he has started working on other titles. Jarko, Jos, Arwen and Wolf happily live together in their wonderful home in a national monument located at one of the inner harbours in the historic town centre of Dordrecht.
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