Politicians Putting Penises where Penises Shouldn’t Go
by Chardon Moore
This is certainly a topic I enjoy writing about. I first wrote about this type of thing when I was 16 years old back in 1998…of course, back then, it was wild Bill (oh, how I miss that man!).
I’ve commented on a lot of Politicians who can’t seem to keep it in their pants, but Gov. Mark Sanford’s recent indiscretion made me re-evaluate myself. You see, I’ve been a bit hard on the conservatives lately. That was perfectly fine when they were running my country into the flipping ground, but something about the pathetic state of the current Republican party makes me feel like I’m just kicking someone when they’re down.
Additionally, I pride myself on being able to look at both sides of most any issue. Was I giving liberals more leeway than conservatives? If so, does the moral hypocrisy of conservative philanderers really make that double standard okay?
So I went through my old writing, looked at my conclusions at the time, and tried to think about the situation again with an open mind. Here are my conclusions:
President Bill Clinton, Democrat (1998)
Then: Who cares if he got a BJ as long as he did his job? And so what if he lied about it? He just did what any other adulterer would do.
Now: Yeah, that hasn’t changed. I don’t care where he sticks his cigars OR his penis. Except for some of his global economic policy, he did a pretty decent job as Prez. In the end, I still think the impeachment was excessive…I agree with his decision not to resign from his office.
Jim McGreevy, Democrat (2004)
Then: This is just what happens when you force people to live a lie. If it was “okay” to be gay, then he probably never would have spent so many years in a sham marriage, the stress of which led him to make poor decisions which ultimately sunk his political career.
Now: I still feel sorry for Ex-Gov. McGreevy. In my opinion, he didn’t do anything wrong PUBLICLY. His screw up was with his wife and his wife only. Should he have resigned? Probably, but only because his political capital was spent…nobody was listening to him anymore. Did he deserve to have his political career sunk? I don’t think so.
Mark Foley, Republican (2006)
Then: The Height of hypocrisy from the “moral” party. Hitting on pages? Pages are young, high-school aged KIDS. This isn’t just a case of a closeted homosexual, this is pedophilia.
Now: Even though he came back out of obscurity recently with claims that he was molested by priests when he was young, I still think he’s a douchebag. Do you know what that’s called in the justice system? A “mitigating factor.” And there’s tons of people in jail because their mitigating factors don’t excuse the crime, they just help explain it. Just because you were diddled by your priest doesn’t give you the right to ruin other kids’ lives. Should he have resigned? Hell yeah. Screwing a consenting adult outside of the bonds of matrimony is one thing (albeit a really crappy thing)…propositioning kids is illegal, and it’s indicative of much deeper and more disturbing issues.
Senator Larry Craig, Republican (2007)
Then: Just another example of what happens when people are forced to live a lie. Ever heard the old adage, “He who smelt it dealt it?” Well, Larry Craig certainly “smelt” plenty of it. He consistently voted against gay rights issues so that no one would ever suspect HE was secretly gay. Serves him right. I love seeing a hypocrite fall from grace.
Now: Ehh, I’m not as proud of this one. My realization that I made a mistake with this one came rather soon after I wrote it. The biggest issue in this case isn’t that he propositioned sex in a bathroom with someone who was not his wife, nor is it his hypocrisy. The issue which initially escaped me was this…why the hell are tax dollars paying for a sting operation trying to catch consenting adults having sex??? If Sen. Craig utilized his “wide stance” technique at a bar, his solicitation would have been perfectly legal. And there’s no difference really. How sad that cops take time away from trying to catch real criminals to keep adults from screwing each other anonymously in an airport bathroom. He didn’t resign, he just decided not to run for re-election. Was this fair? No. As much as I hate his views, I’m not convinced that his extracurricular activities impacted anyone other than his family. If he still did his job, who cares where he sticks his penis?
Governor Eliot Spitzer, Democrat (2008)
Then: Righteous anti-crime Gov. falls from grace in a spectacular way. Hypocrisy rears its ugly head, and proves that there is no mightier fall than a crusader taken down by the very thing he crusaded against. This is the last thing the Democratic party needs in an election year.
Now: Thankfully, Spitzer’s indiscretions didn’t sink Obama’s political aspirations. He did fairly well destroying only himself, which is probably why he has a chance at resurrecting his political career someday. Should he have resigned? Yes. He broke the very laws that he built his political career on. That’s a deal-breaker for me.
John Edwards, Democrat (2008)
Then: Oh jeez! So all this time I campaigned for him in the freezing cold, all the hours I drove just to hear him speak, all the shots I had at the Myrtle Beach bar with some of his campaign staff while watching the S.C. debates…all that time, and I had a chance all along? I always told people that “If a $400 haircut makes you look THAT good, it’s worth every penny.” If only I had known I had a chance.
Now: Okay, let me just say that I’ve always had a crush on John Edwards, but I’m not a homewrecker, so that was totally tongue-in-cheek. That having been said, how low can you go? Cheating on your wife when she’s sick? John, say it ain’t so. Should this have sunk his political career? I’m not sure. On one hand, much like many conservatives, he campaigned heavily on his family values. But…on another hand, he didn’t engage in a lot of the morality politics that many politicians do. And since his only public job at the time was a Vice Presidential/Presidential candidate, I can’t really say that the affair caused him to neglect his constituents. Maybe it’s just because I have a sweet spot for him, or maybe I am biased as hell, but I still hope ol’ Johnny boy pulls through with something in the future.
John Ensign, Republican (2009)
Then: (From Twitter) Sen. Ensign: Everyone makes mistakes, that’s forgivable. Hypocrisy? Not so much. Talk about ‘ruining marriage,’ Ensign’s doing a great job. (The “ruining marriage” comment was based on the conservative notion that giving equal rights to gays will ruin marriage.)
Now: When it happened, I thought he should resign, especially since he was one of the loudest voices calling for Bill Clinton’s resignation during Lewinsky-gate. However, unlike Spitzer, his whole career wasn’t defined by putting people in jail for the same thing he did. I think my initial feeling that he should resign comes more from my dislike of him and his “Promise Keeper’s” agenda. Does his hypocrisy alone give me the right to call for his resignation when I don’t think people like Bill Clinton should resign? If I’m looking at it objectively, no. That decision is better left up to his constituency. If they feel that he was sufficiently hypocritical, and they feel that this makes him an ineffective public servant, then they’ll vote him out of office. Leave that decision to them.
And FINALLY, Governor Mark Sanford, Republican (2009). He campaigned on his family values, but was having affairs all along. Sure, he said he never crossed the line until recently, but that could mean anything depending on what his definition of “sex” is. (Think Bill Clinton’s assertion that oral sex isn’t sex.) But that alone doesn’t mean he should resign. What about his job performance? Well, let’s see… he disappeared for a solid week without telling his staff where he was going, without notifying the Lt. Gov., and apparently without taking his Blackberry, since no one heard a peep from him until he got back from his little “vacation.” He basically abandoned his state to get himself some trim.
My non-partisan verdict? Not every adulterer is created equal. If you’re only guilty of infidelity and hypocrisy, then I don’t think they should resign. That decision should be made by their constituents through a free and fair election. But there are three circumstances under which I think public officials should resign:
- When the affair has completely deprived them of all political capital. If you are no longer capable of doing your job because people won’t work with you, then it’s as if you’ve already resigned. Give your constituents a better chance to be represented and step down. (like McGreevy & Craig)
- When you SERIOUSLY break the law (like Foley) or when you break the very law you based your entire political career on (Spitzer).
- When you start thinking with your little head instead of your big head, and you seriously neglect your duties to an insanely irresponsible degree. (Sanford, I’m lookin’ at you.)
In my opinion, political party doesn’t matter, and hypocrisy alone shouldn’t be a factor in determining whether someone should resign. But of course, the bottom line is that it’s much better to not stick your penis where it shouldn’t be to begin with.
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About Chardon Moore:
Chardon Moore is a political junkie, LGBT ally, and the webmistress of LiberalMartyr.com. She’s been a human and civil rights activist for over a decade, as well as working in broadcast media, academia, and state government. Follow her on Twitter at http://twitter.com/ChardonMoore.
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