Wake UP!: Gabriel’s Story That Inspires Us and the Importance of Anti-Bullying Legislation

Wake UP!: Progressive Punditry and Action Alerts for the Apathetic Advocate

by Chardon Moore

Bullying has been thought of as a rite of passage, necessary to “toughen kids up” and prepare them for the real world. However, following the highly publicized spate of school shootings in the mid to late 1990s, popular opinion began to change. The school shooters had a couple of striking similarities…they were all white boys with a history of being the butt of other people’s jokes.

Of course, the politicians didn’t get into the act until all the press and public outcry forced them to. In the past decade, many states have passed laws requiring schools to have a uniform anti-bullying policy. Studies have been done to determine the best way to word anti-bullying legislation to more adequately protect students…and study after study has proven that enumerated categories are necessary to ensure schools properly and uniformly apply their anti-bullying policies.

In other words, saying “bullying of any sort is not okay,” is less effective than saying “bullying on the basis of sex, race, age, religion, culture, disability, sexual orientation or expression, either real or perceived, must be punished.” Studies have shown that when you don’t specify categories, teachers and administrators have difficulty determining how to properly apply the statutes.

But there’s a catch…conservative groups are against any mention of “sexual orientation” in these laws, because that “legitimizes” homosexuality, which they think is a sin. Never mind that sexual orientation, or even perceived sexual orientation, is the number one category utilized by bullies. Never mind that studies have proven schools with policies that include “sexual orientation” in their list of prohibited behavior have significantly fewer incidences of bullying than schools who have a non-specific policy. Never mind that studies have shown that policies that lack enumerated categories are as effective as having no policy at all. That doesn’t matter to conservatives, who will throw anyone under the bus as long as it serves their agenda…even if it’s their own children.

Bullying is tough for anyone, but particularly difficult for LGBT children. They are twice as likely to be harassed by their peers as straight kids. Additionally, one out of four LGBT teenagers has attempted suicide, successfully or unsuccessfully, which is significantly higher than their non-gay peers.
I want to share a story with you, from a brave young man I met while working in state government. He is a 17 year old high school student from Connecticut, and was thrilled when his state legalized gay marriage. The victory for equality in Connecticut inspired him to start cold-calling legislators in North Carolina, because he wanted to encourage them to enact similar legislation. He told me a heartbreaking story about his own experience as a gay teenager, but I was struck by his selflessness and courage. I felt compelled to share his story with you (with his permission, of course!)

Keep in mind as you read his story that he suffers from a form of autism which makes it difficult for him to use and understand language, adapt to changes in his routine or environment, and recognize when people are being disingenuous. The symptoms of his disability make his story all the more heartbreaking. The fact that he is able to so articulately share his story makes him remarkable.

“My name is Gabriel, and at the age of three I was diagnosed with Pervasive Developmental Disorder. I was a special education student, and while I was in middle school I had a paraprofessiona^l1 who aided me with simple tasks and helped me around class. I had built a strong friendship with my para for over three years, until one morning when I was in the eighth grade. I asked my para about her opinion on same sex civil unions. My para is a born again Christian and she told me that she was so disgusted when the state legalized same sex civil unions that she wanted to move. She also told me that homosexuality is disgusting and that she would disown any of her children that were LGBT. My para had brainwashed me into believing that homosexuality was wrong and disgusting. Inside I felt horrible and believed that it was my fault for being bisexual. I knew at that point that it wasn’t a matter of “if” our friendship would end; it was just a matter of “when.” Being a bisexual student I was put in a Catch 22, I had to decide if I was going to continue the three year friendship that I had built with her or if I was going to live my life the way I wanted to. After weeks of deliberation, I decided not to conform to her beliefs. As a result, the three year friendship that I had built with my para ended. To this day she will not even speak to me.

During my freshmen year, a girl would always steal my lunch. Every time she took my lunch she would force me to tell my entire lunch table (which had about 12 students) something about my sexual orientation. When I refused to tell her something she would call a person to the table and they would say something derogatory and mean to me. Even if I did tell them something, she still refused to give me my lunch back. After I asked her to give me back my lunch, she told me, “my boyfriend is black and he is going to kick your ass!” It was really scary especially at the age of 14 seeing so many people gang up on me. Even the captain of the soccer team threatened to beat me up because I told her to not steal my lunch.

Once, a football player pretended to be my boyfriend. However, he had a girlfriend and because my learning disability makes it difficult for me to tell if he was being truthful or not, I gave him the benefit of the doubt. He humiliated me by throwing it in my face that he already had a girlfriend. I was humiliated because of my sexual orientation and my learning disability. I thought I was worth nothing. People at the table laughed at me as if my existence was a joke. Things only got worse when I reported what happened to the Vice Principal. People thought that I was a coward and not man enough to tolerate being humiliated. Students would jeer at me and make fun of me because I asked for help. But when I thought my life was on the line, I had no choice. For months, my self-esteem was shot and I had little hope that I would make it. I had to have an escort walk me from class to class because I was afraid of being attacked.

As a special education student, I felt violated and angry because people have acted like it was my fault that I was bisexual. Losing my friend (the para who I depended on) was very hurtful and at the age of 14, I was still naive. For weeks I was depressed and angry, I never thought that my sexual orientation could do that much harm to me. For years I decided to lock that skeleton in my closet.

However, on Thanksgiving morning I had a flashback to what happened to me three years ago. At that moment, I finally realized that my para and the people I sat with were wrong! I was so young and naïve, I allowed them to manipulate me!

It was then that I realized God doesn’t hate homosexuals. If he did, he would not have created me the way that I am. I am who I am, and people need to accept it. Throughout high school people have bullied, harassed, and even evicted me from my own lunch table because of my sexual orientation. My loss three years ago, and my realization that it was not my fault, is empowering me to fight for equality. The fact that I lost my best friend, my paraprofessional, was no longer a loss, but rather a virtue. Without losing friends and being bullied I would not have the courage or strength to rise to this occasion. I am recycling the frustration and anger that I had over my loss three years ago and I am turning it into motivation that will make me determined to fight for equality. “What destroys me is what strengthens me.” Everyone has been discriminated, discrimination hurts, discrimination is wrong. I’m working with EqualityNC in asking the North Carolina Legislature to pass anti-bullying legislation to protect people like me, and hopefully prevent this same thing from happening to anyone else.”

North Carolina isn’t the only state that lacks effective anti-bullying legislation. In fact, only five states have anti-bullying laws which include “sexual orientation”… California, Iowa, Maine, New Jersey, and Vermont.

If you don’t live in one of these five states, then your state either has legislation which does not include enumerated categories, or it has no anti-bullying legislation at all. The long legislative session for most states starts at the end of this month…so now is the time to let your legislators know how you feel.
Every time anti-bullying legislation comes out, the Christian right blankets all of their legislators with hundreds of emails. This makes the legislators feel like their public will not support them if they vote for equality. It’s our task to let them know that we’re here, and we want to see change. It’s our task to show them that there are just as many people who believe in equality as there are who believe in intolerance.

We’ve been quiet for too long. I implore all of you to visit http://www.votesmart.org and find out who your state representatives are. Send them an email telling them how important it is that all students are protected from bullying, regardless of their race, religion, gender, or sexual orientation. Tell your friends and family to do it as well. The only way we can fight the Christian right is by proving that we are just as passionate as they are, and we have to do it in large numbers. Without this kind of action, then things will never change.

Also, please be sure to add your two cents to this and any of my posts…leave me a comment! I don’t care if you like what I’ve had to say or not, I want to hear from you! If you’ve got the time, check out the comment section of my past column, “Obama’s Brilliant Manipulation.” There’s quite a lively conversation going on there.

1^ Paraprofessionals are paid to work with individuals who have disabilities. They are required to have a H.S. Diploma or GED, and a few weeks of training in how to work with children, adolescents and adults with disabilities. They typically assist them with basic tasks to help the individual with disabilities become more independent. The purpose is to make them self sufficient, so that they will be able to integrate into society.

Random Posts:

• Wake UP! – Your Guide For Inauguration Tickets
• Wake UP!: Gabriel’s Story That Inspires Us and the Importance of Anti-Bullying Legislation
• Wake UP!: Place Your Bets, Folks! Which State Will Be Next to Jump on the Same Sex Marriage Bandwagon?
• Wake UP!: Celebrating Senator Kennedy’s Legacy In Moderation
• A Special Wake UP!: We Did It! NC’s Bullying Bill Passed!

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