Guns, Perms and Steel: Funny Girl Rosie O’Donnell’s Family Values
by Lorette C. Luzajic
Not everyone would agree with me, but I think the world needs more big, brash, loud-mouthed lesbians. Somebody’s gotta speak for the children, and there’s no one like this 50 million dollar woman, steamrolling through the muck wherever she goes. Thing is, if you want to talk smack about guns, presidents, celebrities, and the far our far right, it helps if you’re funny. And there’s something funny about Rosie O’Donnell. Controversy follows her wherever she goes, but this tough as nails lady is actually a big ol’ softie.
You probably know Rosie O’Donnell for being big and bitchy on The View. You know she’s a stand-up comedian. What you may not know is that this generously proportioned lips and sass is one of Hollywood’s most generous philanthropists and a tireless activist for LGBTQ families.
Rosie’s For All Kids Foundation funnels millions and millions of dollars- all 50 million she earned for five years on The View, plus more – to thousands of charities. A tiny few of her initiatives have included: an emergency trailer village in Louisiana for Hurricane Katrina victims, medical and financial support for war amputees struggling to cope with their families, and Rosie’s Broadway Kids, which gives free music and dance programs to the underprivileged in New York. She also runs a cruise company for gay couples and their children to vacation safely and bond. Plus, Rosie spends her spare time painting, and sells her artwork online, giving all the proceeds away.
But for all that, the best thing about Rosie is that she’s not afraid of opening her big mouth when the rest of us are shrinking violets: she’s loud and proud informing others about breast cancer, depression, foster parenting, gay adoption, ovarian cancer, gay marriage, the pope, and gun control. Rosie just doesn’t believe in keeping her big mouth shut. Though she’s gotten her foot stuck in it time to time, the shy wallflowers and the silent types among us depend on her mouthy magic to say what we sometimes can’t.
Rosie entered the world kicking and screaming in 1962, born in Queens, New York, to an Irish immigrant and an Irish-American. She was left to fend for herself early on as her mom died of breast cancer before she turned eleven. This was a loss Rosie shared with Madonna, with whom she would later bond. (Rosie calls Madonna one of the greatest entertainers in history.)
It’s hard to believe that a woman who became famous on her frumpy, lumpy shtick was the homecoming queen and prom queen and class president in high school! In 1997, she capitalized off of her undesirability, winning Least Kissable Celebrity in a Listerine contest. Those who dared to smooch with Rosie helped her raise over $300 thousand dollars for a charity. Kissable or not, Rosie’s always been as popular as she has been loathed, and back in school, she was already known as the class clown. Rosie dreamed about the movies and TV all the time. And she did live comedy skits early on. “I understand now that I thought fame and the fantasyland of the movies would save me,” she wrote in her bio, Find Me. “In fact I was certain it would protect me from scary dreams and dead mothers…”
At a club in Long Island, Ed McMahon’s daughter was in the audience, and the next thing Rosie knew, she was flying to L.A. and winning on Star Search. And so she was off and running. She soon landed other comedy gigs, a part as Nell’s neighbour on Gimme a Break, and from that time on plunged into superstardom costarring with Madonna in A League of Their Own. Soon, The Rosie O’Donnell show ousted Oprah for Emmy Awards five years running. She had a magazine called Rosie. She had roles on Will and Grace, Nip and Tuck, Sleepless in Seattle, The Flintstones, Exit to Eden, Harriet the Spy, and starred on The View. And though her comedic roles are numerous and varied, Rosie will always be most known for speaking up on the talk shows, the ensuing controversies and cat fights, and her opinionated attacks at those who try to squelch the rights of women, gays, or children.
Of course, even Rosie’s coming out was controversial. Not that it was a big secret for anyone: “…Like this is a big revelation to somebody,” she said at Caroline’s Comedy Club after yelling “I’m a dyke!” Queer activists criticized her for making misleading statements earlier about her devotion to Tom Cruise, but Rosie maintained that she wanted Cruise to mow her lawn, not sleep with her. The primary motivation for coming out of that closet screaming like a banshee was to speak on behalf of gay families. She and her wife Kelli have several adopted children together. And one foster girl, Mia, was taken away from them because they are gay. Rosie speaks, writes, petitions, and lobbies on behalf of gay families. There was even a documentary made called All Aboard! Rosie’s Family Cruise about R Family Vacations, the cruise company Rosie runs for gay families.
As the saying goes, well-behaved women don’t make history, and Rosie’s not just a pretty face with a few bland acting roles that we’ll forget about in 20 years. She’s put her money where her mouth is, but she’ll put her mouth where no one else will. She’s fearless, and doesn’t give a damn what anyone thinks when it comes to speaking the truth. Even the ballsy Madonna gave Sinead O’Connor what-for for ripping up the Pope’s picture: apparently writhing around with a crucifix was not somehow sacrilegious.
Though she’s Irish, and hence Catholic, Rosie thought nothing of speaking against the pope and the Roman Catholic church, and she was asked to make a public apology for smearing and defaming the holy. It was 2003 on Phil Donahue and for some reason, people found it shocking that Rosie would speak against pedophilia and the church’s cover-ups. The Catholic League’s Bill Donohue called her “profoundly ignorant” about the faith, and tried to explain that what Rosie called pedophilia was actually homosexuals preying on and attacking young boys. Umm, what’s the difference? Bill was trying to make a gay issue out of what’s statistically more often a straight one, but there just aren’t that many altar girls to molest.
The fact that the Catholic Church would have once burned Rosie at the stake for her commitment to truth didn’t faze her. She made no apology for criticizing child abuse and its cover up, an institution that won’t sanction contraception. She did not lambaste God himself.
But she wasn’t picking on Catholics alone. Rosie thought nothing of telling The View that “radical Christians” are just as dangerous as the Taliban, a reality we consistently ignore. When Elisabeth Hasselbeck said Christians aren’t bombing America, Rosie said they were bombing innocents in Iraq. She has also spoken up about the continually blurring separation of church and state that’s taking place in America. She called Liz “innocent pure Christian Elisabeth” and their feuds led to Rosie leaving The View. ABC reported that the arguments on air led to the best View ratings ever. The family feud also led to Rosie being voted “The Most Annoying Celebrity of 2007.”
Rosie also went head to head with The Donald, refusing to let one of America’s most powerful businessmen intimidate her into silence. When he spoke against a Miss USA contestant for breeching moral conduct by “wild nights” kissing and dancing with Miss Teen USA. Rosie brashly told the world that a serial adulterer could not be the “moral compass” for young adults.
Before insulting those things most important to North Americans- the church, the capitalist, men, heterosexual family values, war, and George Bush, Rosie insulted America’s first love, guns. On her talk show, she said gun owners should go to prison. It was just after the Columbine shootings. Rosie was criticized for being the Kmart spokeslady, as Kmart is the country’s largest gun retailer, and so she followed her ethics and backed down from the gig. (Kmart sells hunting rifles, not handguns.) When later it was learned that her bodyguard carried a gun, she came under fire again, but said he was trained in martial arts and did not carry firearms onto the schoolyard.
The list of brouhahas is never ending. In 2006, Rosie used the words “ching chong” and Journalists of Color attacked the network for allowing a “cheap jab at Chinese Americans to go unchecked.” Gossip mags have accused her of child abuse. Right wing groups are constantly attacking her for promoting ungodly homes for children. She’s been attacked by speaking honestly about drinking too much, despite the fact that other celebrities caught in the act of powdering their noses claim they’ve never taken drugs. (Rosie says she’s had nothing to drink since 2008, and that booze was helping to make her fat, not that she was a drunk.) There was also, once upon a time, talk over a very, very bad perm.
Rosie’s book Celebrity Detox is really worth reading. She talks about the fame game and all the calamities on The View. She talks about “mainlining stardom” and wanting to “come back and feel the small moments as huge.” She talks about the ridiculous amounts of money thrown around on planet megaceleb, like the two million dollar advance for the book- all of which she donated to charity.
Rosie writes about taking a break from her show. “I was offered 50 million to stay- unreal,” she says. But she wanted “ziplock bags” and time with her wife and kids. She talks about being ridiculously rich and how the only important thing she can do with that money is create charities and publicity for her causes. She says gossip mags have silly surveys about whether her latest smart remarks were warranted or not. “There’s a war going on, countless Iraqis are dead, and environmental scientists are predicting that…we’re going to see super hurricanes…fueled by greenhouse gases…This is science. This is fact…. We have work to do.”
Rosie acknowledges her privilege with thanks, how much easier money has made her life. “But it doesn’t change anything,” she says. “I can hear it, ‘Screw you, bitch, I would gladly trade places, you think it is tough…but folks, if I was you and not me, I would want to know from someone who has been there n back.”
Her conclusion? “You have it better- you do.”
* * *
Lorette C. Luzajic writes about other interesting men and women at www.fascinatingpeople.wordpress.com. She is the author of The Astronaut’s Wife: Poems of Eros and Thanatos, and Weird Monologues for a Rainy Life (irreverent ramblings from the end of the world), both Handymaiden Editions, available at www.thegirlcanwrite.net or through Amazon online.
Random Posts:
- Guns, Perms and Steel: Funny Girl Rosie O’Donnell’s Family Values
- Fascinating Queers: Queen Camille’s Sexual Persona
- Fascinating Queers: Clay Aiken: Measuring the Man
- Vaslav Nijinksy, Dancing Queen
- Suze Orman’s Cents and Sensibility
-