by Theodora Birch (Out Impact on Facebook, Out Impact on Twitter)
“Denying who you are leads to acceptance.”
In Egypt, laws on public morality are severe – homosexuality is seldom openly acknowledged. Whilst being gay is not technically illegal it is unacceptable in Egypt, it is frowned upon socially, culturally, religiously and politically. Gay people are vilified by the press and the public, Al Balagh Al Gadid, an independent weekly newspaper, was banned after accusing actors of homosexuality.
The personal struggle of many young gay Egyptians is constant- they must deny who they are to survive. Yet despite hostility, there are many Egyptians out there hoping that society will change its strict laws and accept them for who they are.
“Mohammed” is a good-looking man in his early twenties with a successful career and a very open mind. I met him for the first time in a quiet little coffee shop in central Cairo. In perfect English he tells me that he hides a secret most of the time: he is gay.
Below is a full transcript of our conversation. Mohammed touches on various issues: social perception, acceptance amongst his peers and family, as well as the personal struggle that he faces everyday with his religion and himself:
Theodora Birch, Out Impact: I wanted to start out by asking you, when you first realized that you were gay?
“Mohammed”: When I was eighteen, I knew.
TB: Did you struggle with this realisation?
M: Yes. I tried to fight my urges for a couple of months.
TB: Have you come out yet to your family and friends?
M: No. My family and none of my close friends know, only my friends amongst the gay community. I am seeing a therapist, and she suggested that I don’t tell them. I come from a conservative family, and they would not accept me. There is also a possibility that I might change, therefore it is best to keep quiet.
TB: Do you find this difficult?
M: Very difficult, some of my best friends do not know me. I have to pretend to be something that I am not. You will find that very few gay people in Egypt tell their close straight friends… slowly this is changing but mostly, you only come out to the gay community.
TB: Do you have any plans to move abroad to more openly accepting gay societies?
M: No. Egypt is my home and I love my country. Why should I be forced to leave just because I am gay?
TB: In a closed society such as Egypt’s, how do you meet gay people?
M: Online and word of mouth, I met my circle of friends through other gay people that I know. The gay scene thrives just below the surface.
TB: How do gay relationships work here in Egypt?
M: There are no real relationships here between gay people. Promiscuity is rampant, and the only way you can survive as a couple is by having an open relationship. It is all very looks based. There is no chance to develop a meaningful, stable relationship.
TB: Can you tell me about your personal struggles with being gay and a Muslim?
M: When I was younger, I was part of the Muslim Brotherhood. I attended prayer meetings and did lots of spiritual soul searching. However I felt like my life was a lie. In the day I was praying and talking about religion, and at night, I was picking up men to have sex with. So I decided to cut myself off from the gay community, and tried to focus all my attention on liking women in a sexual way. It did not work, and in the end, I decided that I cannot deny who I am. I stopped attended the Brotherhood meetings hoping to learn to finally accept myself- this is a constant struggle for me.
Many people have the perception that just because I am gay that I am going straight to Hell, and it seems strange to them that I do not drink or smoke, as this is considered ‘sinful’ in Islam.
TB: Do you believe that there is truth in the statement ‘homosexuality is on the increase in societies where sexes are separated’?
M: There is definitely some element of truth to this. Many men and women seek same-sex companionship as the mixing of the sexes is very limited here in Egypt. However I am not sure whether this leads to homosexuality. In my case, I think my father died when I was young, and I had an abusive older brother. I think the lack of a paternal figure within my life has led me to become gay.
TB: In general, would you say that Egyptian society has a very negative view of homosexuality?
Image via Wikipedia
M: Yes it is very negative. It seems to be divided into two distinct groups: those that deny it outright, and those that accept it, but do not want gay people in Egypt. It can differ amongst the social classes. The Upper Class are the most liberal in Egypt, and in general, they like to imitate life within the U. S. and Europe. Thus, if homosexuality is accepted,then they too will accept it.
TB: Are there any gay bars in Cairo?
M: Not officially. There are places to go with are notoriously famous gay hang outs- Tahrir Square in Downtown Cairo and Maryland in Heliopolis often called ‘The Jardino’ amongst the gay community.
TB: Do you know many lesbians in Egypt, and do the two gay scenes mix?
M: The first lesbian that I have ever met was a foreigner here in Cairo. Some gay men might have understanding female friends that they are out to, however on the whole, the two scenes are completely separate.
TB: In recent years, the police seem to have been cracking down on homosexuality in Egypt, claiming that it is ‘moral perversion’ are you nervous of being discovered?
M: At first, I was terrified of this. Recently though the Egyptian police have more important things to worry about- the rising sectarian tensions between Muslims and Christians, and the increase of suicides keeps them very preoccupied.
TB: Do you think that perceptions will change anytime soon in Egyptian society?
M: Part of the reason that I want to stay in Egypt is that I want to make a documentary- such as ‘Jihad for love’ on what it is to be gay in Egypt, and the problems people face daily. However, I do not think that anytime soon things are going to change drastically.
TB: One last question, do you feel that your friends in the gay community are your best friends?
M: The problem with the gay community is that you can only ever talk about one thing: being gay. If you try and bring up a conversation about politics or anything substance, it is frowned upon. They are only interested in drinking, sharing stories of their love lives and having sex. I find that this can be a problem. This is why I like to spend time with foreign people who are much more open to various conversations. I had a gay American friend here in Cairo and he was the perfect balance of frivolity and substance.
Egyptian Resources:
Related articles:
- Egypt’s ‘Gay Activist’ Author Ahmed Saad Still Wants Homos Killed If They Don’t Try To Turn Straight (queerty.com)
TheoBirch
Latest posts by TheoBirch (see all)
- Being Gay in Egypt: ‘Some of my best friends do not know me’ – February 1, 2011
- The Best of Nelly Furtado – January 12, 2011
- Naomi Davis, NYU Student’s Film “DADT” Aims To Personalize and Humanize “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” – January 3, 2011
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Thoughtful interview. While we fight for our rights, others have to literally hide everyday, every moment in the shadows. How lonely a life it must be to not be able to share yourself with those you consider “best friends”. The comment made by M about the gay scene bothered me, that it’s only sex and no discussions about anything else, no real bonding or friendship. It’s hard to believe but, sad if that’s an accurate statement about the underground gay community.
When people are forced underground they are not able to explore as how a free person is able to. The oppression and discrimination of gays make it difficult for them to develop substantial relationships. This was the reality at one point in the United States, until there came the ‘gay revolution’ when they stood up and demanded acceptance. Full acceptance is yet to be gained, but at least the environment in the US has shifted to allow gays to form meaningful and lasting relationships that I believe every well thinking human desires.
The insult is that anti-gay persons tend to point to the underground life-style of gays to support their arguments that the gay life-style is unhealthy and is all about sex, despite the fact that it is their hostility towards gay why many gays have adopted a culture of promiscuity. I don’t think gays are more sex-craved than heterosexuals; in both groups you find those who obsessively love sex and those who just have it in a balanced way.
I am always surprised at how even gays seem not to understand their sexuality. This young man thinks he is gay because he didn’t have a father figure and was often beaten by his older brother. That is unfounded and ridiculous. Your sexual attraction for another has nothing to do with the environment you were raised in. As much as how many want to believe this, it is yet to be proven. There is no consistent show that boys who grew up without a father turns gay. In that case every, if not, most boys raised in a single-parent household with their mothers should be gay. What the evidence will show you is that both gays and heterosexuals come from all socio-economic, religious and political background. If Homosexuality can exist in the most anti-gay ‘macho’ society, that tells it is not a learnt behavior.
What many need to understand is that not every man who has sex with other men is gay. There are some people who love sex to the point they will have it with anyone. While others may do it for religious reasons, but a real homosexual, is that person who naturally has an attraction for the same gender and cannot in a normal state of consciousness appreciate him or herself lovingly committing his or her life to someone of the opposite sex. If we put away man’s opinions, everyone should know their sexuality because it’s a natural part of our lives. Just like how a man can tell if he prefers chocolate instead of vanilla ice-cream.
Dear billy,
You are right about one thing, everyone should know their sexuality because it is a natural part of their lives. That does not mean that the young man in the interview was wrong about his reasoning why he is gay. Sexuality is a very complex set of emotions and biological responses to another being. Like every other thing however, a particular pattern of sexual attraction is triggered by a particular set of genetic and environmental conditions. This is not as simple as a chocolate/vanilla kind of choice. I am not sure there is an element of choice there really.
Parental figures do play a significant part of how we see the world and how we relate to it. Your and My idea of manhood and masculinity is defined by our close male figures that we look up to. That could be a close uncle, a teacher, a father, etc. Not every child who has poor male parental exposure will turn out to be gay because there is an added nervous system disposition. Reserved timid children who spend a considerable time of their childhood raised and surrounded by influential female figures (mother or aunts or older sisters) have a much a higher potential of developing homosexual tendencies. The people who surround you as a child act as mirrors to you. Consistent exposure to the female gender (particularly if casual nudity is involved) lead to faulty identification to the female gender. But there are a range of psychological elements at play and the genetic predisposition determine the degree of the sensitivity of the child’s nervous system and their subsequent early perceptions of gender roles and attraction.
before you jump out of your seat and fight back, really ask any of your gay friends about their early childhood experiences. Close mother -distant father relationship is a common streak. Sensitive personalities are more common in gay men than straight men. Masculinity as behavior can be picked up more strongly in early teens but it is the first early years of childhood (7 to 11) that shape the erotic tendencies.
That is not an exclusive framework but it explains like 85% of male homosexual tendencies excluding ones that involve early sexual encounters with dominant males in sports team or in the household. In such cases, an intense memory of a sexual act keeps the young teen trapped in pattern to reawaken the same thrill experienced in that event.
What most gay activits hate to read is something like that because they do not want to run across anything that may suggest that what they have is a pathology. The problem is that pathology is in itself is not shameful or notorious. The sad thing is that gay activits want to promote gay orientation as a lifestyle choice while there is very limited choice in most cases. This bring me back to your line. Sexuality is a natural part of your composition. There are reasons for this composition and there is no point in denying them. A person who understands himself and sexuality is a happier person who feels no blame or shame. And realizes that there is more to him than a careless lifestyle that is primarily based on looks and fleeting sexual attraction.