by Robert McLearren (Out Impact on Facebook, Out Impact on Twitter)
The commentary and opinions expressed on this column are strictly Robert McLearren’s. They do not represent anyone else, including former, current, or future employees of Out Impact, Inc. (Publisher’s note: The publisher of Out Impact is left-handed and bisexual, she is really screwed now.)
When people ask me why I hate left-handed people I just smile. Most people just don’t get it. I know people aren’t as educated as me, so I educate them.
In the Bible it says: “And he shall separate them one from another, as a shepherd divideth his sheep from the goats: And he shall set the sheep on his right hand, but the goats on the left. Then shall the King say unto them on his right hand, ‘Come, ye blessed of my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world.’ … Then shall he say also unto them on the left hand, ‘Depart from me, ye cursed, into everlasting fire, prepared for the devil and his angels.’”
Clearly being left-handed is an abomination against our lord and savior. People say that you can’t take the Bible word for word but I say to them “you can’t pick and chose what you believe, it’s all here in the Bible!” There are twenty-five negative entries in the Bible about left-handers. Twenty five! That’s got to be telling you something.
You know what happens if two left-handers marry? They produce yet another left-hander on this planet to screw things up. They want everything designed for them, they want everything changed for them instead of just getting used to how things are. It’s sickening.
Why do they even let them in the Army? You know people like that can’t function like real men can. I mean.. they can’t even handle a rifle properly. Most of them just pretend to be right-handers so people won’t notice and get “harassed” for it. That’s just bullshit in my opinion. If you can’t just get in line and be like everyone else who needs you? Would you want any of them in a fox hole with you? I sure as hell don’t think so.
These people are just DIFFERENT. They aren’t what God intended, that’s the end of the story. I don’t know about you, but I don’t like different. I don’t know why these people choose to be left-handers and go against everyone else.. it’s just for attention I think. Some say they are born that way, but it’s all for attention!
Some people say that my opinion is ridiculous. You know what I say to them? Re-read this and change “left-handers” to “gay” and then you’ll see ridiculous. Makes just about as much damn sense doesn’t it?
Latest posts by RobertM (see all)
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- Friday Fun-ny: Mild Lesbian A-ha Moment à la Model Daisy Lowe – March 4, 2011
- What’s Your Problem? ‘Gay Marriage.’ – December 22, 2010
(Out Impact has an gay online radio station!: Out Impact Radio - click here to listen)
this is great
I actually had the same exact thought one time…. I’m so glad you wrote this!
That’s quite an interesting view. I don’t quite see how a left-handed person could be wrong and evil for that simple fact. What if they had completely dedicated their life to god and the bible, even became a priest (which I’m sure they’re left-handed priests out there). So, since you’re a straight right-handed person as all “good people” are, when did you choose to be straight and right-handed? And yes, according to you, you did choose this because any gay or left-handed person choose to be themselves. I’m left-handed, bisexual, and an atheist. This position does sound like it would come from a person like me but it just seems that too many people limit “choices” in their life by what someone else dictates to them. I believe people should think and be who they are, even if it doesn’t fit with other people. And if everyone would just “fall in line”, our world would consist only of followers.
First off, I have to thank you for your well thought out reply. You took a lot of time and really brought your point across well.
Secondly, I have to tell you that this piece was totally satire. I don’t believe in anything that I wrote. The idea behind the article was to pick the most ridiculous argument that I could think of and compare that to the fight against gay marriage. That has no real logic or merit behind that so I wanted to show that by comparing it with something, in my opinion, just as asinine.
Anyway, I hope that clears it up for you!
Take care,
Robert
that was offensive. im left handed and i dont want to control everything
Sasha,
Robert is using satire – he is NOT being literal about left-handed people. I’m also left-handed myself. Read carefully, he’s pointing out how insane the anti-gay marriage debate is when you replace “gays” with “left handed people.” If you read the comments below, Robert explains it’s satire.
Bambi Weavil
Out Impact’s Founder and Publisher
You are a pathetic biggot. Educated? Yeah you sure proved that in your “Left handed people are doing it for attention” speech. If you even went to school you’d know the only reason people of left handed is because they function on the right side or the brain instead of the left. Nice job for proving how stupid people like you are.
Um I’m a Leftie and Christian so you dont have the right to say anything I’m how God made me
Thank you for clearing that up.
Tai, I strongly suggest you go back to grade school and learn basic reading comprehension, because at the moment you lack it completely.
YOU INSULTER TO LEFT HANDERS! THAT IS NOT TRUE! HOW CAN YOU BE SOOOO RUDE! IFYOU CLEARLY REMEMBER GOD LOVES EVERYONE! BUT I GUESS YOU HATELEFT HANDERS SO MUCH ALL YOU GOT IS HATE INSIDE OF YOU! YOUR JUST PLAIN PREDIGICE! YOU SHOULD REALLY LEARN THAT NOT ALL LEFT HANDERS ARE TERRIBLE! one reason we can be terrible cause theres not a lot of people like us! i only know like three left handers also two right handed people can have a left handed child! so you have nothing to say! i hope one day you have a left handed child or grandchild and they read what YOU WROTE and EVERYONES comment and if that ever happens i think they have the right to know what you think!
I read through the 3rd paragraph and no more! The first 2 sentences caused me hysterical laughter after I read your third paragraph! Clearly you are completely ignorant in biblical text! Your “literal quote of scripture” is not the “original” translation from the Greek, nor, was it Christs’ message! It is very evident that you do not understand Our Father’s or Christs’ “language”! Anytime the right hand is referred to, Christ & Our Father are speaking of “your works”. MOST people are right-handed and use that hand predominately to work. When HE said “goats”, HE was referring to those who are “Wholly given to idolatry”! So, on HIS right side sits workers of righteousness and on His left are those who are wholly given to idolatry. k? stupid question here, I know, but how does that say left handed people are an abomination? For those who are uneducated in Our Father’s letter to us and believe what other’s say, you have just mislead them! In other words, you added to the scripture and you took away the true meaning of it.What you have done in these first few sentences is exactly why “Religions & Traditions” got started and ALL are FALSE TEACHINGS. Those who do not take the time to study our Father’s letter to them, will fall for this hooplah and be led into a ditch. Blind leading the blind! I did not read any farther because it doesn’t take a rocket scientists to figure out that you have no idea what you are talking about, but, I advise you to study truth and quit using your imagination! Our Father is not the author of confusion, but people like you are! My guess is that you think the “unicorn” in biblical text is a horse with a pretty horn? LOL! Or 666 is a tatoo or a micro chip or some other craziness to explain the mark of the beast? (beast=Instead of Jesus)- 666=refers to men and means incomplete. there are 3 sixes and 3 denotes completeness and refers to Christ. the mark of the beast is IN the forehead? Sharpen up for me here! What is in your forehead? For some it is their brain, knowledge. (for some there is only air-heehee) anyway, I digressed! And…. the mark of the beast will be where else? In the RIGHT HAND. which hand???? Yes, the one that most work with. So.. the mark of the beast is incomplete knowledge of the scripture because you do not know, Instead of Jesus(Anti-Christ)-who will appear first @ the 6th trump- and the works you do to support Anti-Christ. The famine in these end times is not for food, it is for the TRUTH. Grace to all. Have any of you thought that there is more to Our Father’s Word than you have been taught? You are right! For serious Bible students, go here. www.shepherdschapel.com
Doesn’t matter- no excuse for mistranslated scripture and putting words in Our Father’s mouth that HE DID not intend! Serious offense to YahWeh. I sure wouldn’t change HIS scripture to satisfy my needs! Don’t change scripture to fit your life! You change your life to fit the scripture- yes, that is a message to Gay marriage too.
Doesn’t matter- no excuse for mistranslated scripture and putting words in Our Father’s mouth that HE DID not intend! Serious offense to YahWeh. I sure wouldn’t change HIS scripture to satisfy my needs! Don’t change scripture to fit your life! You change your life to fit the scripture- yes, that is a message to Gay marriage too.
I would never misquote Yoda.
You might be the dumbest person on the planet. Yet again, another mouth breathing idiot reading the Bible & not understanding what it means. It’s “people” like you that will be cast into the fiery pits of Hell with God’s left hand. Ironic isn’t it
really are you fricken kidding me! left handed people only do this for attention,like seriously, we are born this way and changing to be right handed is really hard! are you that stupid?being left handed doesnt run in the family and i should know cause my sister and i are the only ones.we are not abominations we are just differnt handed!we dont screw everything up,we are just normal people!they shouldnt be let in the army…umm hello the army saves our asses in war!cant function like real men…how would you know what a real man is?!were gay?i guess i learn something fake everyday anyways why not add that. obviously you are a stupid idiot that doesnt know what normal is,so why dont you just go back into your cave and cry about how your not special.oh and btw you just got told by a 12 year old left handed girl,have horrible life:)
wtf is wrong with you!!!