Cruising
by Jarko De Witte van Leeuwen
My family and I have just returned from a cruise through the Mediterranean. It was our birthday gift for my mother-in-law’s 80th birthday, which we celebrated on board the ship amidst the waves of the Aegean Sea (the Greek part of the Mediterranean Sea). It was our first cruise experience and it was absolutely awesome!
Before embarking on this journey we had some prejudices. Some appeared to be true, some others turned out to be false and we’ve gladly adjusted our opinions accordingly. For example, we thought the cruise population would consist of mainly elderly people. False! Yes, there were more elderly people than you’d typically meet while on a beach vacation, but there equally were a lot of young people. Let’s say people of our age and younger, 
.
We thought half of the population would be Americans. False! At least seventy-five percent of the passengers were from North America, with most people coming from the United States. Europe was very underrepresented, not to mention The Netherlands, where we come from. In all eleven days, I heard people talking Dutch only twice, and one of them was a South African steward starting a conversation with us in Afrikaans Dutch. The good thing about prejudices, however, is that they have the potential to convert into informed opinions, right? And we don’t mind being surrounded by Americans, they are very kind people who start conversations easily. Hey, they are the champions of small talk. And after all, our kids our Americans too. Children, especially babies, are people magnets. Especially when they are breathtakingly gorgeous . Especially when there are not many families with babies around and when they are the only African American children on the ship. And especially when they have two white gay daddies, we found out.
There was a lot of entertainment and activities going on aboard. But being the family that we are, we ourselves were one of the complimentary attractions of the ship. We made heads turn, and not in a bad way. In a well-intentioned, let’s say celebrity-kind-of-way. And we saw a gradual development in the nature of the conversations. First our eyes met other people’s smiles. Or not. After all, you cannot expect everyone’s instant approval while being on a random internationally occupied ship. Then people soon came to us to compliment us on our beautiful children. This went on during the entire vacation. After a couple of days, people asked us about our adoption experiences. And towards the end of our vacation, we were having discussions about marriage equality for gay couples, and why people made such a fuss about it. Massachusetts legalized it, for instance, and it didn’t deteriorate the institute of marriage and the state is still running too.
‘By the way, where are you from, you have such a funny accent,’ for instance was a conversation ice breaker. People marveled about their gay friends’ firm relationships, moms opened up their hearts, and confided to us their kids were gay too. One of them had two sons, and not one, but both of them were gay. ‘Congratulations!’
Apart from the passengers, there was the crew. Contrary to the holidaymakers, they were a very international company, with hardly any representatives from the US or Europe with the exception of some Romanian and Turkish people. They were from Peru, India, the Philippines, Honduras, Trinidad and Tobago, Thailand, Brazil, Sri Lanka, and Jamaica. Not the typical gay-friendly countries, to put it mildly. Still, the crew was fantastic. They were so enthusiastic about our kids, and inquired where they were when my husband Jos and I were sunbathing near the sundeck pool and Grandma was babysitting the kids during their afternoon nap. ‘Your kids are so cute, the whole crew is talking about them,’ we frequently heard.
‘And what are they THINKING?’ crossed my mind. But I smiled back, thanked them for their kindness, and ordered another soda. What were they thinking? Surely our kind of family isn’t one they meet on every cruise, and it definitely isn’t something they see in their home countries. Was their friendliness just a professional attitude, keeping their gratuities in mind? Probably for a part, but still they seemed genuinely friendly too. Maybe they truly were charmed by our family. Maybe they are now calling their families in their home countries telling about their past experience: ‘There was also this gay couple with these two adorable kids on board. No kidding. I’m telling you. And you know what, they were just a normal family.’ or something like that is what I like to think was said. We surely left an impression, and I’m hoping it’s a good one. So people may adjust any prejudice, if they had them, towards gay people and gay people with kids in a positive way… Yes, I like this thought very much.
Anyway, we surely picked up a lot of friends for a day. Cruising is fun!
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About: Jarko De Witte van Leeuwen:
Jarko De Witte van Leeuwen was born as Jarko De Witte on April 1, 1970 in Ghent, Belgium. He studied English and Spanish at the Polytechnic School for Translators and Interpreters in Ghent and graduated cum laude at the University of Antwerp, Belgium. In 1989, at age 19 Jarko met his husband Jos van Leeuwen at the Dutch Gay Pride in Haarlem, The Netherlands. In 1991 they moved in together from their parental homes. For that purpose Jarko moved to Jos’s city of birth: Dordrecht, in The Netherlands. In 1993 Jarko started working as a translator and later on communication consultant with Hewitt Associates. In 1995 he gave up his Belgian nationality and became Dutch. In 2001, the year when same sex marriage was legalized in The Netherlands, Jarko and Jos got married on the day they had been together for exactly twelve years. They decide to merge their family names to De Witte van Leeuwen. After returning from their honeymoon, Jarko started working as a communication consultant and public relations officer to the City Board of his hometown Dordrecht. At the same time they start their adoption journey. Jarko is a driven political lobbyist fighting for joint international adoption rights for same sex couples. In 2007 the Dutch Parliament passes the bill to enable this with an overwhelming 90 percent majority. In September 2005, Jos and Jarko adopt their daughter Arwen at age 1 and a half weeks old. Arwen was born in New York City, NY. In February 2008, they adopt their son Wolf, at age 4 weeks. Wolf was born in Philadelphia, PA. Jarko has written several articles and columns on various topics including adoption and gay parenting for various media. He has recently written and illustrated the children’s book, Arwen and her daddies, about the adoption of their daughter Arwen. Several publishers in The Netherlands, the US and the UK have shown interest. Jarko hopes to have his book published in 2009. Meanwhile, he has started working on other titles. Jarko, Jos, Arwen and Wolf happily live together in their wonderful home in a national monument located at one of the inner harbours in the historic town centre of Dordrecht.
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