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NYC Protest Rally Against Prop 8 at Union Square, May 26, 2009: In support, a young woman simply waved a hot pink boa.

Photo Credit:  Allison Tray

NYC Protest Rally Against Prop 8 at Union Square, May 26, 2009:  Live and let Live

Photo Credit:  Allison Tray

NYC Protest Rally Against Prop 8 at Union Square, May 26, 2009:  Make Me An Honest Man!

Photo Credit:  Allison Tray

NYC Protest Rally Against Prop 8 at Union Square, May 26, 2009:  Green Cards for Gay Spouses

Photo Credit:  Allison Tray

NYC Protest Rally Against Prop 8 at Union Square, May 26, 2009:  New York Marriage Equality Now!

Photo Credit:  Allison Tray

NYC Protest Rally Against Prop 8 at Union Square, May 26, 2009:  God Loves Gays

Photo Credit:  Allison Tray

NYC Protest Rally Against Prop 8 at Union Square, May 26, 2009

Photo Credit:  Allison Tray

Photo Credit:  Allison Tray

This says it all for us.

Daddies talk Queen

by Jarko De Witte van Leeuwen

I’ve been thinking about our friend Robert a lot lately. He must have had some prophetic eye when he gave this t-shirt to our daughter Arwen as a present for her first birthday. It said: ‘Queen of the house’. Yeah, just rub it in, I remember thinking. Now, Arwen does have a thing for Queens. I mean the actual royal ones, tiaras and all. The Dutch Queen Beatrix in particular. She is just fascinated by her, and wants to know everything about her. Things like her favourite colour (blue), the name of her dog (Fikkie), what presents she buys for her grandchildren, the princesses Amalia, Alexia and Ariane, who she likes to drink tea with (Miffy) and who’s her real best friend (Arwen, of course).

Our girl requires a lot from her daddies, who have to invent new facts, trivia, and entire stories every day. How the Queen likes to eat her porridge, how she keeps her hair in shape, what the rescue plan is if she breaks her tooth on a little stone in a petit four on a Sunday morning, or when a blackbird poops on her head, and what the next shop will be where the daddies will drive her and Arwen to (usually the last shop we’ve been to ourselves).

Arwen is very keen on rituals too. We have somewhere in the last year started telling these stories about the Queen to entice Arwen into finishing her meal. She was two years old and liked to say ‘no’. So the daddies needed to get creative to have things done their way.

At least, that’s what we thought.

‘Finish your breakfast and we will tell you a story about Queen Beatrix’. ‘Finish your lunch and we will tell you a story about the Queen’. It worked. Boy it worked. The reward of knowing a new tale about the royal mama got Arwen finishing her meal without missing a single bite. But she liked it so much it kind of started working against us.

Arwen is a very gracious and elegant girl. It’s true, it’s just her nature. She has something innately aristocratic about her. She even talks in the third person: ‘He has to talk Queen!’ she urges, pointing her finger at me when I don’t get started soon enough. We do this for breakfast, lunch, and dinner – this has been going on for months and months. Sure, Arwen finishes her meals to the last crumb, but our imagination is kind of drying up.

We’re not allowed to do any repeats, each story has to be brand new. I’m telling you, we could write a book on all the secrets of Her Majesty that only our little family knows. And it would sell! I mean, one of our friends is a royalty watcher hosting a popular show on Dutch TV. He would pay big time for all these insights behind the closed doors of the royal palace. Of course our integrity doesn’t allow us. It would cost us our friendship with Beatrix, and Arwen would never forgive us. But I did come up with the idea of actually writing a children’s book from one of the fairy tales we invented at our kitchen table, with Arwen and Queen Beatrix as the protagonists. And writing a column about them. Thus, Arwen’s orders are at least earning us some bread on the table, instead of just consuming it.

We’ve made our peace with it. So, this is how our meals together look nowadays: Arwen says grace, with closed eyes, folded hands and her head lifted up high. Very dignified, very solemn. But then, as soon as she has her bib on she says: ‘Daddies, talk Queen!’. I’m telling you, it’s an order, nothing less.

Now that I call Queen talk. From the Queen of the house.

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About: Jarko De Witte van Leeuwen:

Jarko De Witte van Leeuwen was born as Jarko De Witte on April 1, 1970 in Ghent, Belgium. He studied English and Spanish at the Polytechnic School for Translators and Interpreters in Ghent and graduated cum laude at the University of Antwerp, Belgium. In 1989, at age 19 Jarko met his husband Jos van Leeuwen at the Dutch Gay Pride in Haarlem, The Netherlands. In 1991 they moved in together from their parental homes. For that purpose Jarko moved to Jos’s city of birth: Dordrecht, in The Netherlands. In 1993 Jarko started working as a translator and later on communication consultant with Hewitt Associates. In 1995 he gave up his Belgian nationality and became Dutch. In 2001, the year when same sex marriage was legalized in The Netherlands, Jarko and Jos got married on the day they had been together for exactly twelve years. They decide to merge their family names to De Witte van Leeuwen. After returning from their honeymoon, Jarko started working as a communication consultant and public relations officer to the City Board of his hometown Dordrecht. At the same time they start their adoption journey. Jarko is a driven political lobbyist fighting for joint international adoption rights for same sex couples. In 2007 the Dutch Parliament passes the bill to enable this with an overwhelming 90 percent majority. In September 2005, Jos and Jarko adopt their daughter Arwen at age 1 and a half weeks old. Arwen was born in New York City, NY. In February 2008, they adopt their son Wolf, at age 4 weeks. Wolf was born in Philadelphia, PA. Jarko has written several articles and columns on various topics including adoption and gay parenting for various media. He has recently written and illustrated the children’s book, Arwen and her daddies, about the adoption of their daughter Arwen. Several publishers in The Netherlands, the US and the UK have shown interest. Jarko hopes to have his book published in 2009. Meanwhile, he has started working on other titles. Jarko, Jos, Arwen and Wolf happily live together in their wonderful home in a national monument located at one of the inner harbours in the historic town centre of Dordrecht.

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