Against Hate and Prop 8 Series – Volume II
Recently we asked for reader feedback on why they are against Prop 8 and for gay equality. For more information on this open call for participation and using YOUR voice: Why Are You Against Prop 8? Share Your Stories. Keep your submissions coming, here is Volume II!
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“…although it seems a little late to call it a proposition at this point:
I’m a man, married to a woman. My marriage is the greatest joy of my life. Any people who want to marry each other should be able to experience that joy, too. Simple as that.” -Douglas, Portland, OR
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“…I’m not suggesting one conversation, or even multiple conversations, would work with every person. There are certainly fundamentalists out there who wouldn’t budge their opinion in the same way some liberals wouldn’t even enter into a conversation about other views without it becoming an argument.
But there are many like her out there – some who didn’t get the realization of what prop 8 did or how it would affect other human beings because they didn’t have a discussion with anyone with a different view.
In the Castro and in West Hollywood there were many No on 8 signs spread across businesses and homes. These signs were there to raise awareness. But having these signs in these neighborhoods is as effective as needing to convince a drag queen the importance of makeup and wardrobe. You are preaching to the choir.” – full article at: The (apolitical) reason Proposition 8 won Howard Miller, California (native NYer)
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“My husband and I got married in June. i also have an excerpt from a recent blog i wrote…
I’m sure by now you have seen commercials or heard of Proposition 8. Speaking as someone who just recently got married, this law is going to take away gay people’s right to marry. Now I was never a big fan of being married and honestly would have been happy with a civil union. I just want the same rights as everyone else and if you didn’t already know in a civil union there are many right you don’t get as you would getting married. The big argument is religion being the reason to be married. I didn’t have my marriage for any religious purposes. I did it because I want the same equal rights and that is why you need to vote no on Proposition 8. This way everyone is treated equally and we all have the same rights. No one should be treated any less a person then any other individual.” - Jesse, San Francisco, CA
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“The wedding proofs just arrived and I still have not gotten to sending out all the thank you cards. The honeymoon has come to an end and sadness has begun to take hold. For the past 23 years, I have devoted my life to my husband. Now at 40 years old with a 5 year old son, our home in the suburbs, 2 cars and a vacation home, it is time for us to be recognized as a family equal to that of any other family.
We went to California and celebrated the family that we had created over the past two decades and rejoiced at the recognition we were given by family, friends and government of that accomplishment. On our wedding day we told our son Joshua, “Now our family is the same as all the other families he knows”. We told him that no one can say that your family is less than theirs. And we also told him that we now have more protections that try to help our family stay together.
On election eve, the moment in history that so many Americans have felt when witnessing the acceptance speech of a bi-racial president was lost when we heard of the passage of proposition 8. It is even more hurtful knowing that Proposition 8’s passage was the result of a huge campaign playing on people’s fears of having families like mine discussed in the schools. It is hurtful for people to devalue my family or even pretend families like mine do not exist. It saddens me to think my marriage of 23 days has lost all of its legal rights or privileges.
In his acceptance speech, President elect Obama stated, “Is there anyone out there who still doubts that America is the place where all things are possible; who still wonders if the dream of our founders is alive in our time; who still questions the power of our democracy, tonight is your answer.” I hope President elect Obama realizes that the answer to this question is different if he were to ask members of the gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender community.” - Jeff Friedman, Long Island, NY
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Many people have expressed outrage about Prop 8’s passage; but I think grief has also been a prevalent emotion. I have two friends who illustrate exactly how flawed the legal and moral arguments against same sex marriage are, and I’m grieving for their rights, which have been relentlessly toyed with in this national morality play.
My friend, F, illustrates the flawed legal argument. She and her fiancé Z moved to California several years ago, and Z underwent a female to male sex change operation. They have a daughter who was raised just as well by two mothers than by a mother and a father. They are the same two lovely people they always were, but because of a change in anatomy they can now be legally married in any state. Griswold v. Connecticut is, I feel, the basis for what should be a clear path to legalizing same-sex marriage, as it prohibits the state from interfering or prohibiting what takes place in a married couple’s bedroom: so there should be no litmus test for what appendages, proclivities or organs a couple should have.
The U.S. has seen arbitrary marriage restrictions before, like miscegenation laws that prohibited interracial marriages, and the general population finds them repugnant today. I wish they would see that the issue is no different: regardless of how you feel about the morality of homosexuality, a person’s right to choose something as intimate as a mate, a wife, a husband is soundly within the right to pursuit of happiness. We find the principle of separate but equal utterly unconstitutional, and despite the opinion of the majority, we are only free when the rights of the minority are upheld. Many lawmakers and spokespersons felt that desegregation was to “mongrelize the classrooms” and that the will of God and the sanctity of the white race would be besmirched, and all white daughters would marry black men. Sound familiar? Sound disgusting and unconstitutional? It took a long time, but people sowed those seeds of change and I think the lessons of the civil rights movement are strong and encouraging for us today.
My best friend T and her girlfriend, A, are the moral and emotional example of why Prop 8’s passage is a weapon that hurts. These two amazing and responsible women have a tender relationship that any state should be proud to support, let alone sanction. They were planning to get married in California this coming summer, and now they cannot. The idea that a ban on gay marriage does not change anything for gay couples is absurd. I can’t imagine the uproar a heterosexual couple would raise if the state intervened and told them their wedding would have to be canceled. They could still go through all the motions if they wanted to, but at the end of the day it wouldn’t be a “real” marriage because someone they don’t know and have never met dislikes the idea of it—a far cry from legal.
T and A live in a state that doesn’t have a civil union option. This ruling and other like it allow everyone to question the validity of their relationship: hospitals, insurance companies and people on the street, businesses, income tax forms, federal grants and employers. There is no equal protection under the law for their love and commitment, and it’s shameful that after centuries of denying equal rights to all citizens, some have sought out yet another group to “be against”, and our entire government has let the “will of the people” slither in and steal the rights of a few. The opportunity and protection that straight couples enjoy are simply not available to gay couples, or even gay individuals, and rather than writing in protections for homosexuals into every law or code or policy, the easiest legal remedy for the disparity of rights is to do what Brown v Board of Education did in saying yes, these people are equal, and you can’t deny them what you have access to.
But finally, love. It’s an elusive concept, and something that is not defined or created by any state, church, person or group of people. No one can claim they have the right ingredients for love, no subset of people can say “everyone like us who marries has love,” and for anyone who believes that God is love I can’t help but pity those who would feign to limit His power and authority. No government can create love, modify its behavior with any incentive or limits, but rather every government should say (by getting out of the way): if you have the good fortune to find love, pursue it vehemently or quietly, humorously or seriously, in a man or a woman, pursue it however you like, but pursue it!” – Emily, St. Louis, Missouri
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